Why Buddhism?

People have come up with several possible reasons as to why I embraced Buddhism recently. Mostly, it is wondering what I find in it that is different from Hinduism. I'm going to try and address this here below.

My spiritual practice involves mainly mindfulness meditation. While this has got nothing to do with any particular religion, per se, the philosophical theories associated with Buddhism in connection to meditation are the one that speak to my heart. Hinduism as it is practiced does not appeal to me much. In its current form, there is too much attachment to external rituals. While I'm not against rituals, having rituals simply for the sake of having them is not something I'm interested in anymore. I feel their meanings have been lost.

The philosophy of Buddhism appeals to me. Sure, it might have stemmed from Hinduism, but it has developed far beyond it. There are plenty of similarities. However, the main difference between the two (as they are practiced), in my humble opinion, is that Hinduism believes that we are responsible for whatever happens to us. Buddhism on the other hand believes that things just happen, but it is up to us to make it whatever we want to make out of it.

Hinduism is very fatalistic in that sense and there is a strong sense of pre-determinism (our current status depends on what we did in our previous life and the ones before that). This leads to a certain callousness and "willful ignorance" of responsibility for one's actions; for everything is perceived as proceeding in accordance to fate "as it should be". I know this sounds a bit contradictory. As a Hindu I'm to do my actions according to what is the dharma and leave the results to God. Somehow this translates into people's actions performed with seemingly no personal responsibility. While Buddhism doesn't entirely exclude pre-determinism, it very strongly acknowledges our own responsibility to our lives irrespective of a Superior Being. Furthermore it states that NOW is all we have to work with.

It is that very aspect that appeals to me the most. Hinduism makes me see my own broken childhood as a reflection of my evil deeds (from a "past life", whatever that means). Meaning, it is my own fault that it happened. Every time it happened I was to blame, not only for this life's actions but also for my actions in all my previous lives as well.

Buddhism on the other hand allows me to accept that it happened. It doesn't explicitly blame me for it. Yes, I know the previous statement might be contested. But, at least it allows me to work with it in the present. It doesn't assign blame on myself or anyone for it. In other words, Buddhism allows me to say, "Shit happens. I feel it is shit only because I perceive it to be so".

NO, I'm DEFINITELY NOT saying what happened to me or the so many other people out there was acceptable. It was terribly wrong.
What I'm saying is two things:

1. Shit happens. It happened. I 100% acknowledge that it happened and that it was possibly the most terrible thing that could happen to anyone. I would never wish this on anyone... not even the ones who did it to me.


2. I feel it is shit only because I perceive it to be so. It is not happening now. It did in the past and it can stay in the past. I do not have to react to all things in life as if they were all threats to my immediate person. I can be myself instead of reacting like a person tainted by his past. In other words, shit happened in the past, I don't have to perceive shit in everything now.

Indeed my basic instinct is to protect myself from any perceived threat by building walls of defense. I've found that instead by opening up and exposing the tenderness (ONLY if and when I'm feeling up for it) is quite paradoxically healing.

This is what I see in Buddhism's philosophy. Instead of praying or denying pain, Buddhism seeks to accept pain as a part of life. (Note: This is neither nihilistic nor masochistic and there are plenty of books to explain it better than I could.) Buddhism allows me to accept the pain, accept the sadness, accept the fear, even accept feelings of self-guilt and shame, without turning any of them into suffering. I acknowledge the feelings without denying them attention. At the same time, in doing so, I notice and label them for what they are instead of allowing them to make my head spin out of control.

So, taking refuge to me is a formal acceptance of my striving to be truthful to myself, accept impermanence in life, welcome both good and bad equally instead of favoring one over the other... In other words, by taking this refuge vow, I promise to myself to be "hopeless and confident" as Pema Chödron so elegantly puts it. Hopeless not as in derelict, but as in non-expecting things to happen one way or another.

So, am I Buddhist? Yes. Am I no longer a Hindu? No. I incorporate practices from both into my life. It is not my intention to simply abandon Hinduism. It is simply to find my own niche and accept who I'm... a HiBu. :-)