This is a bit dark... but to let you know ahead of time, this is not a suicide note. I plan to live, at least for now. This is something that simply came up as I encountered today's weather on the outside and on the inside. Inspired by this inclement weather, I wanted to write... and here it is.
The foggy day, that is today, looks inviting. The mystery of the fog carries... nay, hides within the pain; Perhaps if I die today, the shame would be shrouded by the mist that surrounds. I would not have to be rejected again. I will not have to feel the scorching of the fear of rejection again. I will not have relive my rejection again. I shall not have to hate myself for being who I am and who I'm not. Today is a good day to leave it all behind. Today is a good day to let my body shrivel, there... right there on the grass, arms outstretched, palms facing up, ankles falling to the floor with feet wide. The pain disappears as my vision clouds, the fears melt as the sounds move distant; only the smell of fresh grass to hold me up. The dampness in the air caresses my face.
There, I feel that water drop settle high on my nose. Slowly, ever so slowly my eyes close, the water drop starts to roll. It rolls towards the bridge of my nose... an invisible hand pushes it to the right side of my nose... it pretends to be a tear and rolls of my cheek. The final tear that would ever be. Did it know there will be none other? Did it know about the lush green grass leaf investigating my ear? What is it looking for anyways? Does is it know there is lots of time to examine, time enough for it to grow up and die, right next to my shrivelled body? Does it know today is a good day to die?
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