Fighting Depression

Today, I started off with quite a depressing mood. I didn't know the reason. I simply woke up depressed. I started wondering if was to do my upcoming Refuge Vow ceremony. I didn't think it was. But then may be I'm anxious, worried and perhaps even scared of it subconsciously. Then, I thought may be it was to do with א; honestly, that was only a scapegoat. Then I was in the shower wondering about my dreams, searching for a possible answer there. Then I found it.

Part of my dream related to the upcoming Refuge Vow. It involved me 'leaving home'. There was a sadness to it but no suffering. Pain, but no suffering.
The other part of the dream involved some random guy reaching for my right shoulder. I pushed him away, rather forcefully, asking him never to do that again. That was what was causing the unrest in me.

Noting that however, didn't really help me all that much at first. However, I had an inspiration while still in the shower. I realized I have the power to stop this depression from become seriously depressing! I tried, intellectually, addressing it -- saying that it was all in the past and that I was in the shower then. But it didn't help. I thought perhaps meditating would help. But I found myself too disturbed to even be mindful of it, noting the emotions as they arise. While I tried that, it didn't help. So, it ruled out sitting meditation.

Then it struck me -- body scan, like my T had told me. That helped me bring my attention back to my body. Feeling a heavy heart. Wow, my heart is reliving it as I'm writing this. Once I noticed that, I went into a deep breathing almost naturally. I had to leave my house at that point, but I kept my attention on my breath. It is amazing how such a simple thing as the breath could help me bring me back to the present.

After about 20 minutes of paying attention to my breath, while focusing on that tightness and heaviness in my heart, I was completely out of depression! Amazing. I've never done this before. I'm so proud of myself to have fought and WON before my depression could take me over. Again, I'm happy and proud.