I'm quite a bit confused right now. I could use your feedback.
What is fairness? What is considered fair to me? It seems that I don't have a sense for what is fair to me. Over the last week or two, I found myself "going out of my way" to help other people -- fellow grad students/friends. I used the quotes because I didn't think I was doing that, but I came to understand that others perceive it so. To me though, it was the natural (not ideal) thing to do. It seemed the right thing to put my stuff behind and do theirs. The return I got was happiness. So, was it not fair to me?
I did make the choice to overwhelm myself with helping others. Perhaps this is to make me feel important and appreciated? The truth is, it makes me feel needed. Right now, I find it very important to feel needed.
In that context, is expressing love (unrequited) not fair? I felt upset to notice how א had become 'cynical' about life. She calls it being realistic, but I perceived it as a reaction to her own situations in life. It makes me really really sad. I really wanted to be there for her even if it means sacrificing everything else in my life. I later recalled other harsh things she had said to me. Yet, I minimized those and saw how she was suffering within. Yes, she made her choices and I will not change those. But, at the same time, I want to be with her even if it means "sacrificing" a lot of other stuff in life.
Is that not fair?
How does one define fairness? Should I see the greater good, my individual gratification, instantaneous vs long term satisfaction? How do I determine if something is fair to me to not? What do I factor into it to determine the fairness?
1 comment:
I wonder if you're asking the right question. Why is fairness important? We know that the world is not fair. Maybe the thing to focus on is your need to feel needed and need to let go of your attachment to your ex. I think that the goal is to end suffering, not fairness. I don't know, just something to think about.
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