Groundlessness

Groundlessness is my word of the month.
People usually talk about being grounded, or feeling grounded. However, not much (if anything!) is in my control. Accepting and practicing this in everyday life is practicing groundlessness. To accept that anywhere I step, it is a shaky ground is not what it signifies, rather it is about not expecting a solid ground. Lofty goals yes, but hard to follow.

Groundlessness practice involves accepting reality for what it is, instead of what I want it to be. Thinking back on when I was feeling jealous, I notice I expected reciprocation. When I practice groundlessness, that expectation disappears. The goal is to do things because I want to, not because it would help or do something for someone else. It is not selfishness mind you... it is about doing what is right, what is the best I could do while remaining truthful to myself, without expecting the result.

Bear with me while I recant here a little incident from today.
I was talking to my mom on the phone today. Once again, it wasn't a happy conversation. It breaks my heart to see her suffer so much simply because she expects the world to change to her needs and wants. Yes, she might have a lot of unfulfilled wishes, but it is the expectation that they will be fulfilled that causes her so much pain. She doesn't react well to her wishes not being fulfilled. While she doesn't cry and make a big drama over every little thing, she expresses her anguish and disappointment by showing indifference to things. Asking her about any such thing pushes her over the edge and she complains about how nobody does anything for her. At the same time, she adds that she doesn't expect them to. Somehow the complaining about it negates that she is fine with it. I tried to explain that to her, but she wouldn't listen.

That is a good example of her not practicing groundlessness and me trying to get her to do so. Ironically, I, thereby, fell out of my own practice. But I realized during the conversation that I wanted her to change, even if it is for her own good, because I thought it would help her. This perception was the cause of suffering in me, when I find myself giving her the label "incorrigible". As soon as I noticed this expectation of my own, I simply dropped it. (I'm kind a proud of this.) When I did so, suddenly, I had more patience for my mom and actually listened to her. I still insisted her to try what I thought my help, without expecting her to even accept it. (she didn't, if you are curious). That was my first brush with groundlessness for today.

I find it hard and challenging to practice, at the same time, I find it very "opening". To bottom line it, practicing groundlessness is to be myself and do actions based not on expected results but based on what needs/could be done at the moment. Lets see how it takes before it goes down the drain ;-)

PS: Groundlessness is a not so uncommon Buddhist practice.